Is ‘doing our best’ good enough?
“People are doing their best when they’re being authentic.”
I’ve seen this phrase shared often, and I may have even said it myself in the past. But lately it’s been sitting a little differently with me.
Why? There’s another statement that feels more true to me: We’re all doing the best we can in any given moment. I’ll explain.
Authenticity is usually happening naturally. Most of the time we are showing up as ourselves (even if we don’t always like or recognize that version). Sure, people sometimes put on more intentional masks, but even then, I’d argue two things:
- They’re still doing their best in that moment,
- They’re still being authentic – because the choice to put on the mask often comes from very real places within us: fear, confidence (or lack of), shame, the longing to fit in, or the need to protect ourselves. Think of it as parts of your shadow.
So, it isn’t an “either/or.” It’s “yes, and…”. The two staes can co-exist.
Of course, nothing I’m saying here is a blanket statement. Every person and every situation is unique.
But one thing I’ve seen again and again in my work (and in life) is this confirmation: our past shapes us. Our experiences and our traumas leave imprints on the way we see ourselves and others. Often, if we “knew” how to do better, we would, but survival patterns and old protective mechanisms can quietly override our best intentions. We don’t always notice this happening. It feels automatic, almost like we’re on autopilot.
That’s where self-awareness becomes powerful. Becoming aware. Wanting to change.
”To observe is to have choice.” – Thomas Hübl
Choice opens the door to change.
Taking micro-steps (or big ones; you do you) lead to the person we want to become. You may not always have fault or responsibility in who you were (again, not a blanket statement), but you are responsible to go from awareness to → who you’d like to become.
“To observe is to have choice”
~ Thomas Hübl
So when I think about authenticity and “doing our best,” I don’t see them as separate states. When we’re practicing self-awareness, we are being both authentic and we’re doing the best we can – with the resources, knowledge, and capacity available to us at that moment.
I’m sure when people say “People are doing their best when they’re being authentic” (as if the ‘when’ negates the intention) they mean well. I often don’t have a problem behind where the statement is coming from. Though it’s worth remembering: words land differently for each of us depending on our lived experiences, and nuance matters.
The lesson at the end of the day: give yourself – and others – a bit of compassion. We are all trying to do the best we can in any given moment. I really believe that. Meet others where they are, and perhaps you’ll be given the same grace. 🙂
A reflection question for you:
- Where in your life can you offer yourself (or someone else) more compassion, knowing that “doing your best” may look different from moment to moment?
Sub-question if you want to go deeper:
- Notice where values are different. Someone’s ‘best’ may be different than yours in that moment. Remember there’s no judgement, as you’re both coming from two different places.
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